Shame

Last Friday night...I cannot believe that I am now saying that with the shame of ten lifetimes.


I really thought I was having fun, but the truth is, I probably felt at lost with crowded people in a stuffy apartment and among the blasting of the background music. People drink there and dance here. If not throwing and aiming, then you can bounce balls in the red solo cup (By the way, I detest that song). I kept taking shots and spilling shots and chasers all over the floor. By that time, I knew I was drunk out of my mind. The dizziness felt as though the ground and ceiling were closing in and tipping to the side. If not for alcohol, this instability can only result in spinning around for way too many times. I went upstairs to get some rest, and really everything was a blur after that. I do remember vomiting nonstop but I didn't feel a bit disgusted by it. My body just wanted to get all of these burdens out. People really did not call it being intoxicated for no reasons. Worst of all, I showed so much vulnerability and embarrassment that I would usually be very self-conscious with. I am now just really glad that it can buried with the excuse of being drunk and not remembering it afterwards.

Being drunk is one thing and the aftermath of a hangover the next day is another long story. At least for me, it was the feeling of getting hair yanked out in the back of my head. I couldn't focus and all I wanted to fall asleep in a dire attempt. After getting some sleep, my head just kept pounding. And pounding. Although it was already nine at night, nearly 24 hours since I last picked up a Pixie cup.

The last paragraph is usually a conclusion so I conclude this with the encompassing theme of this article: NEVER AGAIN.

The Right Way

Be flirtatious. Not desperate.

Give him looks. Nothing more. 

Never ask. Be asked.

It's a game where girls decide whether the heart will be won. 

Patience is best.

Privacy

Since college started, I've always felt an excitement that I was able to keep secrets from my family. To have  a distance and a privacy that I thought I couldn't have before. Our family has always been close but in my mind, I needed this space to myself as I spread my wings. There are good and bad things in this mindset. It was fun. But for most of the time, I was lonely. No matter how much I try to open up to people, there are always some fabrication as I tell them my story and see their eyes, I simply cannot expose the whole truth. But for the sakes of my morals, I cannot do it anymore. It's wrong to lie and it's a burden to carry. I strive to be different this year. I promise to hold an integrity to my family and my friends. I'll start telling my friends enough to understand me and for me to keep my private life private. However, with my family, I should start telling them more things about myself because that's how I know I have matured and am capable of making wise decisions. Plus, it feels so childish to have to hide and cover up my actions. I need the confidence to display to the people I love who I really am in order for them to trust me and to support me when I need them most. My family has shown me so much trust by disclosing the most private and secretive things to me that it is only fair that I do the same thing. Lastly, the truth is simple. It's not complicated and troublesome as the chain of lies one can tell. White lies, guilty lies, and entertaining lies. Perhaps I had told them all. And that's not an accomplishment I'm proud of.

Gia đình

Hôm nay Ba Mẹ về Mỹ và mình cùng anh hai đi đón ở sân bay San Francisco. Qua hai ngày nay mình cùng giành nhiều thời gian và nối lại quan hệ thân thiết với nhau. Giờ cả nhà ₫ược hoàn tụ như xưa. 

Hôm nay mình rất hạnh phúc. 

It's early

I am awake at 5AM right now, and no I didn't wake up early. It was nice to meet you lemonade flavored energy drink.

New project...

Daydream and Expectation

I already don't know the person well enough. Why am I imagining things about how they would be, which would prevent me from truly knowing them later? Besides, the best things are the things kept to surprise. There are coincidences existed between two people, because love is driven by fate. It's weird to say it but a deep human connection is magical like that. Two strangers can become one. That's what I always have faith in and this thought can always excite me for tomorrow.