Alone and Listening

People say you go to college to find who you are, what your purpose is, and what you want to do. But sometimes I really wonder if that could be absolutely true when you are constantly surrounded by your peers--the interaction is so constant and endless that there's a buzzing in the back of my mind, hindering me from hearing my thoughts and leaving me feeling hollow at the end of the day. I need to sit down and lay my head back to the ceiling, the starkly white ceiling of the century old dorm room, and think. And remember. And plan. And analyze. I really need a break.

Reality Sets In

College started exactly three weeks for me and already I am beginning to feel the strain of disappointments setting in. So many wrong decisions over entertainment and school, juxtaposed by high expectation and confidence that I will do well. Unfortunately, you can't have your cake and eat it too. The grades stare at me in the face, reminding me of how poor my performance was. I slept too late, study too little, and have too much fun. Now is when I settle into a mega-mode of anti-social and nerdy me. I'm trying to look at the positive things around me, the fact that it has only been three weeks and not five or six weeks in that I realize how screwed I am. Also, I guess mistakes do make my journey much more interesting and memorable. It reminds me to remember my philosophy that if you try hard and dedicate, anything can and will be accomplished. Plus, there's the pattern to the good and the bad--maybe my era of bad events will end and the good will commence soon. So my goal is to start working hard and hopefully my grades will be pulled up to the desired point: above an A-. NO PRESSURE.